sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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