I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
