K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
