these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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