This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize