I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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