You're so nebulous sometimes
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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