is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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