Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
