I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
