She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
