The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
