Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
