All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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