booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
