??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
