so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
