I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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