you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
