she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
