we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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