Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she peed on how many people?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
