dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
