i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
