I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
