Already got asked if we're dating
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
