Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
3 2 1 whiskey
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
