does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
