Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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