So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize