I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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