Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
