I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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