One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
