that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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