i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
