if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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