when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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