Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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