i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
