yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
