It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
