I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is it penis luge time yet?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
