whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
