Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
