If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
