That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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