Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
