hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize