hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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