Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
