she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
