not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
