so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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