why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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