maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
