M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
