Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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