I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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