Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
