we have officially lost it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize