Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
