You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize