my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
