walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
